Wedding etiquette dilemmas – the Shabby Chic Bride way #1

8 Aug

OK, I’m the first to admit that this Shabby Chic Bride has hardly been through finishing school. But I do have the benefit of mulling (and agonising) some of the more difficult dilemmas. So, I’m going to hang up my Shabby Chic hat and become an agony aunt for the purposes of this post. This week I’ll be going through a few classic dilemmas and telling you what I would do about them.* First up is the classic kids at a wedding question…

*Disclaimer – what I would do is not necessarily the objectively correct, polite, or moral thing to do. I accept no responsibility if you take my advice and it blows up in your face 🙂 Just kidding.

Dilemma: I don’t want kids at my wedding – but I know this will offend people. Help!

There are some couples that go all gooey at the thought of rosy cheeked little ones running around and enjoying a wedding. There are some for whom the thought of a baby screaming over their “I dos” is intolerable. If you fall into the latter category, you may want to consider a child ban at the wedding.

First of all you need to decide on a cut off age. Is it just babies that are facing the ban? Under 16s? Under 18s? Once you decide on a cut off you need to stick to it. Seriously, you’ll ruffle a lot of feathers if you make any exceptions. The only way around this is to appoint the kids you DO want there as flower girl, page boy etc. etc. but even that might anger a particularly touchy guest.

Then you need to break the news that your friends and family will have to leave their little darlings at home. This isn’t always easy and the most tactful way to do it is to say that the party is going on late and that it’s adults only. It’s better to couch it that way than to bluntly write “no kids allowed”. I’ve read a lot of rubbish about how if you only NAME the adults on the invites they’ll magically know that only means them. Load of crap if you ask me. Before you were involved in weddings would you have had any clue about the coded wording of a wedding invite? Best to tell it straight to avoid embarrassment and confusion later on.

If you really can’t stick to your guns but can’t bear the thought of the moment you declare your infinite love for someone interrupted by a grumpy infant, then it might be worth investing in a childminder or creche facility away from the main event. That way people can have peace of mind knowing their kids are close by but your wedding will also go off without a hitch… unless someone objects!

Good luck!



3 Responses to “Wedding etiquette dilemmas – the Shabby Chic Bride way #1”

  1. vintageandlace August 8, 2011 at 7:29 pm #

    hee hee, you brave little shabby chic warrior! #touchysubject.

    I’m odd as I have a lovely little boy and I would have still rather have not had kids at my wedding, the reason being… that this lovely little boy can also be a not so lovely little nightmare, he can be very loud and sometimes very annoying and if I can feel that way about my own, I dread to think what i’d be like about someone elses screaming through my big day!
    I was lucky, we got married in Cyprus and there only ended up being Little D and his cousin from the kids department… BLISS !!
    Personally, my wingman and I always ask if the bride and groom actually want Little D there, if not we go and use it as a date day/night and get a sitter… plenty of bubbly and a hotel for the night.
    Each to there own though xx

    • sdoron August 8, 2011 at 8:07 pm #

      *Disclaimer – I’m undecided on the matter but this is for people who definitely don’t want kids there 😛

      Thanks for the comment lovely, always great to hear people’s stories!

      Shabby Chic Warrior… I like that! xx

  2. Procrastinator General August 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm #

    you could be like me and behave in such a manner generally that people are nervous about introducing their kids to you. Or have a best man whose speech all know beforehand is going to incurably affect the psychosexual development of any children nearby.

    Seriously though, if you don’t want to pay for a creche you could include the number of a nearby child storage facility on the invite- it gives the message without saying it explicitly.

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